Gary Neville's How To Play Football

The Art Of Defence:

A good defender is like a good moustache, it has to be strong and bold. A lacklustre moustache leaves the upper lip unguarded and a poor defender does the same to his goalkeeper. A striker is like puff pastry and no self respecting moustache lets pastry past without a fight.

Tactics:

Choosing your tactics is essential. In fact it's a lot like choosing the style of your moustache. Some people will go for a moustache for all occasions, others with the use of wax or clever trimming will adapt their moustache to suit the situation. For example a handlebar when going to job interviews and a Salvador Dali-esque tash when meeting a lady.

Positioning:

As a fullback a good sense of positioning is essential. I tend to think of it in terms of a moustache. Sometimes you need a moustache that spreads out across the width of your face other times you need to trim it so it barely juts out past your nostrils.

Marking:

There are two types of marking - zonal and man marking. I find with either one I get exposed if I'm up against someone with pace. However, to combat this I compare the two styles to my moustache. Man marking is like the middle of my tash, it clings to my upper lip and goes where my lip goes. Sometimes it tickles me but I just cant shake it off. Zonal is more like the edges of my moustache; looser, freer. They have the oppurtunity to move around but sometimes I find they are out of position. So which one do I prefer? I find a combination of zonal and man marking makes for a perfect moustache.