Footballing Heroes: Igors Stepanovs (Previously Banned By The BBC)

Igors Stepanovs made his Arsenal debut in 2000 against Ipswich. A tall, commanding centre back was probably playing next to Stepanovs.

When he arrived at the club he was billed as the next Tony Adams. Presumably this comparison was made without seeing either Adams or Stepanovs play. Stepanovs appeared 17 times in an Arsenal shirt including the infamous 6-1 defeat to Manchester United. Not that any of the Man U players noticed he was there.

Little is known of Stepanovs' early life other than the fact that he was born in a town called Ogre in Latvia. Rumours that his mother was in fact an Ogre are unfounded. She was a troll. Nothing is known of his father although Stepanovs maintains that he was not called Billy, nor was he gruff and he certainly wasn't a goat. However, he concedes that his father probably did pay his toll to cross his mother's bridge in sexual favours.

Young Igors quickly took to the game of football, instantly making himself an outcast in ice hockey mad Latvia. His love of the game never faltered and he soon found himself the fourth best player for FC Skonto. This was no mean feat as at the time FC Skonto had a chicken, an ox and a totem pole on their books.

After leaving Arsenal the half-man half-troll hybrid defender went on to play for various lesser clubs across Europe. Stepanovs can now be found sharpening his teeth underneath bridges only letting people across if they can guess how many international caps he has. No one ever guesses 92 which is actually, genuinely how many he has. Thus Stepanovs never goes hungry.