Footballing Heroes: David Hillier

Full time party animal and occasional footballer, David Hillier, signed for Arsenal in 1984 as a schoolboy. He was instantly popular in the youth team due to the fact that he was usually stoned out of his mind.

He made his full team debut in 1990 against Chester City. Many Arsenal fans remarked that the pies were good that day. No one remembers Hillier's performance though.

Due to his combative midfield style Hillier is often thought of as a forerunner to the likes of Emmanuel Petit, Patrick Vieira and Mathieu Flamini. However where they had passion and skill Hillier didn't.

Before signing for Arsenal little is known of Hillier's youth although it has been alledged that he was left as a new-born in the backroom of the Rose and Crown in Blackheath. He was brought up by the landlord and landlady despite the fact that they were both from Trinidad and he was clearly a little white london boy.

Growing up with this stigma proved the making of little David, mocked by the casually rascist youths of the seventies David was determined to prove himself better than them and took to dealing cannabis, making him the most popular kid on the block.

This in turn ensured he was always picked first for football and he was soon making his way through the ranks to become a professional.

Hillier was an integral part of the Arsenal team of the nineties although he was left out of the 1993 cup final sides due to a neck injury received by watching the ball fly over his head from defence so often.

He was also left out of the 1994 Cup Winners Cup team due to a psychic telling George Graham if he played him Arsenal would lose. If only he'd also heeded this advice the following year maybe they'd have retained the Cup Winners Cup.

At this time Hillier's off the field antics became more prominent than his on the pitch performances. He had become obsessed with his neck and had taken to wearing neck rings, much like the Kayan women of Thailand.

By the time he left Arsenal for Portsmouth in 1996 his neck was a foot long and despite a superior heading ability he could never reach the heights of his Arsenal career.

Hillier has now retired from football and can currently be found in the pubs of Blackheath letting people take photographs of his 1990/91 league winners medal dangling from his elongated neck in return for a double scotch (neat).