At the end of the season we will look back and as ever we will ask ourselves what was our best performance. Now hopefully our best game is yet to come but at the moment most people would probably plump for our victory against Chelsea. I, on the other hand, would say it was the game against West Brom. Yes Chelsea are a better class of opposition, and yes we put 5 goals past them at their ground but overall in the game against West Brom we were better.
We worked as a team, arguably for the first time this year. Yes Van Persie scored one and set up two but his performance was backed up by the other 10 men on the pitch. It was possibly the most comfortable we've looked this calendar year and we barely gave West Brom a sniff at goal. It was professional, and it's hard to remember the last time we looked like that.
We have a run of games that on paper look pretty easy now and that should send fear up the spines of all Arsenal fans, it has been a feature of Arsene Wenger's reign that these are the games we screw up. However the display against West Brom should have eased our fears, perhaps it's the fact that we have a few more older heads in the team now but in recent weeks we have shown far fewer signs of fragility and we're starting to go about the job with calm efficiency. Which is very much unlike us.
In other news Marco Van Basten, who I have always had a huge soft spot for, has said that Van Persie should stay at Arsenal for life. He made some very flattering points about Arsenal as a club and it's nice to see that the view of our club on the continent may not have been as damaged as it has in England by our recent form. Whether Robin will listen to Van Basten is doubtful, but I can't imagine his words would go unnoticed. At this point I was going to try and use a former England international giving advice to a current player as an analogy but I couldn't think of any player in recent times that has the same sort of status as Van Basten has in Holland, I then thought about using Geoff Hurst but quite frankly he get's on my tits and is living off his 1966 hat-trick if you ask me. So imagine if you will a former England striker who had similar qualities to Wayne Rooney but unlike Rooney had performed brilliantly for both club and country and had actually won stuff at an international level giving Wayne Rooney some advice in his career. Rooney would be a fool not to listen wouldn't he? Of course Wayne Rooney is a fool, let's hope Van Persie isn't.
Showing posts with label Arsenal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arsenal. Show all posts
Monday, 7 November 2011
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Trend setting
The 0-0 against Marseille was down to many things. Fatigue after the Chelsea game, apparently; The lack of Van Persie up front and good defending by the French team. We could sit here all day and argue the relative merits of all those arguments but we won't because I don't want to.
What I want to do is to highlight a trend I've noticed over the last few years when Arsenal draw 0-0. Now I'm not going to back this up with empirical evidence so it could just be spurious nonsense but has anyone else noticed that while we don't have that many scoreless draws when we have one we tend to have a little run of them. In many ways they're like buses: they're ugly, they're annoying, they smell and if you haven't got your earphones in then you end up wanting to punch some noisy child in the back of the head. To be honest though I'm not sure a run of scoreless draws is what we need right now. Sure the clean sheets would be nice but we've got a little run of winnable games coming up and it would be quite nice if we could, y'know, win them.
In order for us to do that it seems that we need Van Persie to play every game because no other bugger can score when he's not there. This is problematic. Firstly because there's an international break coming up and we've got through two without Robin being murdered so there's no chance of him getting through this one and secondly because we need to be able to trust our whole squad and at the moment we can't. Our first team is looking pretty balanced at the moment and I think with Vermaelen back and Koscielny looking excellent we can start stiffeningup our defence. I like Song and Arteta in midfield despite what Graeme Souness was saying after the Marseille match "once you get past those two your right on to the back four". Yes, Graeme, but that applies to all midfields doesn't it? If you get past them you reach the defence, you moron. Ramsey is starting to look like he really can pull the strings and link midfield with attack and Walcott and Gervinho seem to be able to provide the chances for RVP but without our captain none of our attacking players seem to have any kind of understanding. Hopefully that will come with more games but at the moment we can't afford to give them the time to get that understanding. It's catch-22.
Speaking of Catch-22 there is a scene in that book where a man is lying in hospital covered head to toe in bandages with a drip in his arm providing sustenance and a cathater to store all the urine. Every now and then a nurse comes in and swaps the bags around. Maybe Arsenal should take this approach, surely people would work a lot harder on there recovery if they were being force fed their own filth every day. In fact perhaps we've already started doing it. I mean we currently have Tomas Rosicky, Robin Van Persie AND Thomas Vermaelen fit. Now if we can just cure Abou Diaby of his human waste product addiction we'd be laughing.
What I want to do is to highlight a trend I've noticed over the last few years when Arsenal draw 0-0. Now I'm not going to back this up with empirical evidence so it could just be spurious nonsense but has anyone else noticed that while we don't have that many scoreless draws when we have one we tend to have a little run of them. In many ways they're like buses: they're ugly, they're annoying, they smell and if you haven't got your earphones in then you end up wanting to punch some noisy child in the back of the head. To be honest though I'm not sure a run of scoreless draws is what we need right now. Sure the clean sheets would be nice but we've got a little run of winnable games coming up and it would be quite nice if we could, y'know, win them.
In order for us to do that it seems that we need Van Persie to play every game because no other bugger can score when he's not there. This is problematic. Firstly because there's an international break coming up and we've got through two without Robin being murdered so there's no chance of him getting through this one and secondly because we need to be able to trust our whole squad and at the moment we can't. Our first team is looking pretty balanced at the moment and I think with Vermaelen back and Koscielny looking excellent we can start stiffeningup our defence. I like Song and Arteta in midfield despite what Graeme Souness was saying after the Marseille match "once you get past those two your right on to the back four". Yes, Graeme, but that applies to all midfields doesn't it? If you get past them you reach the defence, you moron. Ramsey is starting to look like he really can pull the strings and link midfield with attack and Walcott and Gervinho seem to be able to provide the chances for RVP but without our captain none of our attacking players seem to have any kind of understanding. Hopefully that will come with more games but at the moment we can't afford to give them the time to get that understanding. It's catch-22.
Speaking of Catch-22 there is a scene in that book where a man is lying in hospital covered head to toe in bandages with a drip in his arm providing sustenance and a cathater to store all the urine. Every now and then a nurse comes in and swaps the bags around. Maybe Arsenal should take this approach, surely people would work a lot harder on there recovery if they were being force fed their own filth every day. In fact perhaps we've already started doing it. I mean we currently have Tomas Rosicky, Robin Van Persie AND Thomas Vermaelen fit. Now if we can just cure Abou Diaby of his human waste product addiction we'd be laughing.
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
A Change of Tactics
I realise it has been quite some time since I updated this blog and I confess it may be quite some time before I update it again. But I have decided that when I do add blogs they will now be in a more serious vein (see my last post below for an example.) This is not down to the fact that I can no longer extract humour from Arsenal's situation, I can, plenty of it. It's more down to the fact that I want to attempt to flex my writing skills in a more traditional blog format. I may pop the occasional sketch on here if I feel it's of "Super Quality" but mainly this will now be a forum for my actual thoughts and feelings, which is quite scary because I'd previously assumed I didn't have any.
So let the bona fide blogging begin:
You can't go wrong with the Carling Cup. Unless you count last year's final, obviously. But in general these games are a far more relaxing proposition to the higher profile competitions we're involved in, and I personally love them. Not just because it's a chance to see the kids and fringe players but because it's one of the few chances we get to sit back and just enjoy a match. If we lose, then it's a shame but it's not the end of the world it's still a good learning curve for the players and if we win we can pretend that all these youngsters are the future of Arsenal and that the future is bright.
The truth is a little different however. If you look at the players that have made it through the youth ranks at Arsenal very few of them have played a large amount of Carling Cup games before they became first team regulars. Fabregas, Wilshere, Cole all went pretty much straight in at the top. On the other hand the likes of Lupoli and Simpson both impressed often in the Carling Cup and where are they now? I hear Simpson is at Millwall and Lupoli is slopping out the pigs at Godstone Farm in Surrey.
Today we may see Chuks Aneke, who as far as I'm concerned should be a first team player on the strength of his name alone and Emmanuel Frimpong who IS a first team player on the strength of his name alone. We could also see Vermaelen's come back which would be a great boost for the club but with Koscielny's recent form I'm not certain he'll get his first team place back without a fight. Unless he can play right back, or Wenger finally decides that he wants a left back who understands what defending is but I can't see that happening. In truth I've always been against using Vermaelen as a left back unless we're truly desperate, he is far too good a central defender to be wasted out wide but that's a debate for another day and that day is about two months ago.
So back to the Carling Cup. I'm excited about this match in a way that I haven't been for an Arsenal match all season. I think even with our youngsters out that we should win and I have absolutely none of the feelings of dread that has blighted the pre-match build up for every other game this year. It's a feeling I'd like to hold on to but I fear by Saturday I'll be back to the more familiar feelings of impending doom. Until then though it actually feels good to be a Gooner again, let's revel in it.
If you desire you can follow @johnjensensgoal on Twitter.
So let the bona fide blogging begin:
You can't go wrong with the Carling Cup. Unless you count last year's final, obviously. But in general these games are a far more relaxing proposition to the higher profile competitions we're involved in, and I personally love them. Not just because it's a chance to see the kids and fringe players but because it's one of the few chances we get to sit back and just enjoy a match. If we lose, then it's a shame but it's not the end of the world it's still a good learning curve for the players and if we win we can pretend that all these youngsters are the future of Arsenal and that the future is bright.
The truth is a little different however. If you look at the players that have made it through the youth ranks at Arsenal very few of them have played a large amount of Carling Cup games before they became first team regulars. Fabregas, Wilshere, Cole all went pretty much straight in at the top. On the other hand the likes of Lupoli and Simpson both impressed often in the Carling Cup and where are they now? I hear Simpson is at Millwall and Lupoli is slopping out the pigs at Godstone Farm in Surrey.
Today we may see Chuks Aneke, who as far as I'm concerned should be a first team player on the strength of his name alone and Emmanuel Frimpong who IS a first team player on the strength of his name alone. We could also see Vermaelen's come back which would be a great boost for the club but with Koscielny's recent form I'm not certain he'll get his first team place back without a fight. Unless he can play right back, or Wenger finally decides that he wants a left back who understands what defending is but I can't see that happening. In truth I've always been against using Vermaelen as a left back unless we're truly desperate, he is far too good a central defender to be wasted out wide but that's a debate for another day and that day is about two months ago.
So back to the Carling Cup. I'm excited about this match in a way that I haven't been for an Arsenal match all season. I think even with our youngsters out that we should win and I have absolutely none of the feelings of dread that has blighted the pre-match build up for every other game this year. It's a feeling I'd like to hold on to but I fear by Saturday I'll be back to the more familiar feelings of impending doom. Until then though it actually feels good to be a Gooner again, let's revel in it.
If you desire you can follow @johnjensensgoal on Twitter.
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
With fans like these...
It's always hard to sort out the genuine, pessimistic Arsenal fans from the wind up merchants from other clubs because most of the time they're in total agreement.
Now I don't believe us fans aren't allowed to criticise our club, it is entirely our perogative but the vitriolic abuse that our players and manager receive baffles me. There seems to be no desire to get behind the team, no wish to look at the positives and in many cases a complete lack of any kind of grasp on reality.
Now I fear I may have lost some people by now who will have dismissed me as one of the 'Arsene Knows Brigade' as if there can only be two kinds of fan, those who blindly support Wenger and those who forcefully despise him. This is not the case. Wenger has made mistakes, every manager does, but in general I believe Wenger's mistakes are far outweighed by the good things he brings to this club.
"But what about the 6 years without a trophy?", you cry. Well what about it? 6 years isn't really that long. If we'd gone 6 years without challenging for a trophy then I'd be angrier but that's not the case.
In fact I'd go so far as to say the only reason you expect us to be winning more things is because of Arsene Wenger. What he did in the first few years at the club was remarkable and he hasn't been able to match that but he has raised our expectations massively. Under George Graham we were a good team, tough to beat and not a team you'd write off in any competitions but we were never favourites for anything. We were the underdog in most of our European games, we were a club who'd generally be towards the top of the table but if we weren't challenging for the title each year it was no great surprise. We were just happy to be out of the mid-table mediocrity that had beset us during the 70's. We were always a pretty big club rather than a massive club. A club with history and tradition but not on the level of the likes of Liverpool or Man Utd.
Wenger pushed us to aim to be at their level and for a few years we were, and more recently we've slumped. Perhaps Wenger should have splashed the cash more. But financially we've not been able to compete with the recent super-rich clubs and it's all very well saying £10m for Smalling wouldn't have broken the bank but if we'd put in a £10m bid for him who's to say Man Utd wouldn't have raised there's to £15m and we just can't afford to compete for every player in a bidding war. But Wenger still has sway, it was him who convinced Ramsey to join us rather than Man Utd. Very few other managers in the world have that sort of lure.
It's easy for us to shout about what we want to happen but are we so arrogant as to believe we really know better than Wenger about what's right for the club? Why didn't we buy Cahill and Schwarzer? Well is Schwarzer really so much better than the keepers we've got? And if he is why hasn't a bigger team than Fulham ever tried to sign him? And Cahill who would cost anything upwards of £15m really good enough to come straight in ahead of Koscielny and Djourou? And if he is would those players be willing to accept that they're 4th choice? I doubt it, which means we'd lose at least one of them and we'd be back to square one.
As I say there are areas that we need to strengthen. We need someone who can compete with Song as neither Diaby or Denilson are good enough in that position. I also personally think that if Wenger doesn't think Bartley or Miquel are ready for Premier League football yet then we need to bring in a decent young defender who'll be happy to be a back up but is ready to throw straight in to the big games.
Finally I'd like to point out the one thing people seem to be ignoring at the moment in order to spread their messages of doom. We're in a really good position in the league. We can be masters of our own destiny rather than rely on other results and we can win the league. We might not, but we can.
Wenger has once again put us in a position that our expectations have been raised and maybe we'll end up heartbroken but if you're not ready to have your hopes shattered then don't be a football fan. And remember compared to over 90% of clubs in this country we've got it really, really good. We are consistently one of the top four teams in the country. We've played and beaten Barcelona we've reached cup finals and we've fought for leagues. We play Champions League football every year. Most fans would give their right arm for even a fraction of what we class as a poor season. Arsenal in my eyes have always been a flawed diamond, and I like it that way.
I don't really go in for the pithy slogans that some fans use to describe their support but if you said I could have all Man Utd's success, I could have all Man City's money or I could have all Barcelona's skill my answer would always be the same.
I'd rather be watching Arsenal.
Now I don't believe us fans aren't allowed to criticise our club, it is entirely our perogative but the vitriolic abuse that our players and manager receive baffles me. There seems to be no desire to get behind the team, no wish to look at the positives and in many cases a complete lack of any kind of grasp on reality.
Now I fear I may have lost some people by now who will have dismissed me as one of the 'Arsene Knows Brigade' as if there can only be two kinds of fan, those who blindly support Wenger and those who forcefully despise him. This is not the case. Wenger has made mistakes, every manager does, but in general I believe Wenger's mistakes are far outweighed by the good things he brings to this club.
"But what about the 6 years without a trophy?", you cry. Well what about it? 6 years isn't really that long. If we'd gone 6 years without challenging for a trophy then I'd be angrier but that's not the case.
In fact I'd go so far as to say the only reason you expect us to be winning more things is because of Arsene Wenger. What he did in the first few years at the club was remarkable and he hasn't been able to match that but he has raised our expectations massively. Under George Graham we were a good team, tough to beat and not a team you'd write off in any competitions but we were never favourites for anything. We were the underdog in most of our European games, we were a club who'd generally be towards the top of the table but if we weren't challenging for the title each year it was no great surprise. We were just happy to be out of the mid-table mediocrity that had beset us during the 70's. We were always a pretty big club rather than a massive club. A club with history and tradition but not on the level of the likes of Liverpool or Man Utd.
Wenger pushed us to aim to be at their level and for a few years we were, and more recently we've slumped. Perhaps Wenger should have splashed the cash more. But financially we've not been able to compete with the recent super-rich clubs and it's all very well saying £10m for Smalling wouldn't have broken the bank but if we'd put in a £10m bid for him who's to say Man Utd wouldn't have raised there's to £15m and we just can't afford to compete for every player in a bidding war. But Wenger still has sway, it was him who convinced Ramsey to join us rather than Man Utd. Very few other managers in the world have that sort of lure.
It's easy for us to shout about what we want to happen but are we so arrogant as to believe we really know better than Wenger about what's right for the club? Why didn't we buy Cahill and Schwarzer? Well is Schwarzer really so much better than the keepers we've got? And if he is why hasn't a bigger team than Fulham ever tried to sign him? And Cahill who would cost anything upwards of £15m really good enough to come straight in ahead of Koscielny and Djourou? And if he is would those players be willing to accept that they're 4th choice? I doubt it, which means we'd lose at least one of them and we'd be back to square one.
As I say there are areas that we need to strengthen. We need someone who can compete with Song as neither Diaby or Denilson are good enough in that position. I also personally think that if Wenger doesn't think Bartley or Miquel are ready for Premier League football yet then we need to bring in a decent young defender who'll be happy to be a back up but is ready to throw straight in to the big games.
Finally I'd like to point out the one thing people seem to be ignoring at the moment in order to spread their messages of doom. We're in a really good position in the league. We can be masters of our own destiny rather than rely on other results and we can win the league. We might not, but we can.
Wenger has once again put us in a position that our expectations have been raised and maybe we'll end up heartbroken but if you're not ready to have your hopes shattered then don't be a football fan. And remember compared to over 90% of clubs in this country we've got it really, really good. We are consistently one of the top four teams in the country. We've played and beaten Barcelona we've reached cup finals and we've fought for leagues. We play Champions League football every year. Most fans would give their right arm for even a fraction of what we class as a poor season. Arsenal in my eyes have always been a flawed diamond, and I like it that way.
I don't really go in for the pithy slogans that some fans use to describe their support but if you said I could have all Man Utd's success, I could have all Man City's money or I could have all Barcelona's skill my answer would always be the same.
I'd rather be watching Arsenal.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Usmanov and Kroenke: The Big Debate
Arsenal's two major shareholders are both creeping ever closer to the 30% of shares needed to take over the club. Here is a transcript from a soon to be broadcast television debate between the two trying to win over the Arsenal faithful.
Presenter: Hello and welcome to todays debate. It's so huge it could be described as a mass debate, ha ha.
Director: Cut! Get off. Get off the damn stage and out of my sight.
Someone call Des Lynam, he doesn't do much anymore he must be available.
[20 mins later]
Lynam: Hi, I'm Des Lynam. And welcome to today's debate. Without further ado let's introduce you to our two guest speakers Alisher Usmanov and Stan 'the man' Kroenke.
Usmanov: Hello.
Kroenke: G'day cobbers. [Ivan Gazidis walks on and whispers into Kroenke's ear] Er...right. Howdy y'all I'm from the U.S.A!
Lynam: Mr Usmanov a lot of peopel worry that you are in fact a Russian gangster, how do answer your critics.
Usmanov: Well I certainly don't put horses heads in their beds.
Lynam: Well that's good. And Stan, you're patently a lovely chap who would be brilliant for Arsenal. What are your favourite colours?
Kroenke: Red and white of course. Yeee-ha!
[crowd whoops]
Lynam: And Mr Usmanov you've called your company Red and White Holdings isn't that just maliciously stealing good ol' Stan's favourite colours?
Usmanov: What? He's clearly just trying to curry favour with the fans. It's shameless.
Lynam: But isn't it true that you eat babies?
Usmanov: It was one baby! Can't you people forgive and forget?
Lynam: And even worse, don't you consort with David Dein?
[crowd boos]
Usmanov: Well yes, but so did Mr Kro-
Lynam: Lets have a little less mudslinging, Mr Usmanov. This is a serious debate. Now isn't it true that you inject poison into people with umbrellas?
Usmanov: That's a half truth.
Lynam: And that's enough from you, you fat Russian mobster.
Stan, you fantastic man you, if you became the Arsenal owner what changes would you make?
Kroenke: I'd just listen to the fans. Plus I'd pump all my unlimited wealth into the club. We'd win everything ever I can 100% guarantee it.
Lynam: Well there you have it. Stan Kroenke, legend. Usmanov, evil. I think we can safely say Stan will be the next owner of -
[Jack Wilshere, Henri Lansbury and Fran Merida rush onto the stage]
Wilshere: Wait!
Lansbury: We've found out something shocking about Stan Kroenke
Merida: Jinkies!
Wilshere: He's not Stan Kroenke at all. Show them Henri.
[Lansbury grabs Kroenke's face and rips off his mask]
Lynam: Oh my God! It's David Dein!
Dein: And I would've got away with it too, if it wasn't for those pesky kids.Merida: Jinkies
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
A Rant and then a Little Ray of Hope...
Right, we lost. Not just that we were comprehensively beaten over two legs by a better team. So what now?
Firstly, I would like to point out that Ronaldo's performance last night, while undeniably good, was not something so extraordinary, so out of this world that no team could cope with it as the press seem to be making out. In fact to suggest so does Man Utd a huge disservice. They won because they played very well as a team. Ji-Sung Park, Fletcher, O'Shea all gave everything worked hard, knew their roles and supported their more illustrious team mates fantastically. The first goal was not made by Ronaldo it was made by the pass that released him, his cross was pretty much straight at Gibbs and on another night would have been cleared. His second goal was a great free kick but he is a taker of great free kicks rather than a great free kick taker. Once or twice a year he scores a screamer but the majority of his free kicks go straight down the keepers throat or miles over the bar as all his other efforts did last night. And the final goal was a wonderful break but given the situation of the game we had to leave our defence exposed and once again the goal was made by the ball to Rooney and then his perfect, and unselfish pass to Ronaldo.
This is not to take away from Ronaldo in any way he is clearly a great, great player. But last night showed that Man Utd are more than just one great player. They are a great team. And trust me I don't say that easily. Arsenal on the other hand were not a great team last night. We lacked creativity, more than any other Arsenal team since Wenger took over. Our problem used to be our profligacy now we don't even create the chances to miss.
So how do we bridge this gap? Well we already have to some extent. Andrey Arshavin is a creative player, a player that can change games, score goals and frighten defences. A bit like Ronaldo but without the sort of face you want to punch. With Arshavin in our side over the two legs it might have been slightly different. Maybe not enough to win the game but maybe enough to score in open play at least. We still need to add to our squad over the summer but we don't need wholesale changes.
I genuinely believe next year Arshavin, Nasri will give the support for Fabregas that we need. I think Song is developing into a top quality midfielder but we could do with some competition for the defensive midfielder spot which I don't think Diaby or Denilson will ever really provide. We need a better cover in central defence than Silvestre and we need a striker who will score goals week in week out. Hopefully a fully fit Eduardo will be able to do this.
The gulf between us and Man Utd is not as big as these games suggest. I'm sure we will be more consistent at the start of the season which will gives us the confidence to go on and do well next year, we aren't as naive as we were at the start of this year. Arshavin looks phenomenal and is experienced enough to know how to produce throughout the season and hopefully youngsters like Gibbs will come back stronger from this setback.
So we're out but I'm not down. I'd love us to have the success of Man Utd but if we don't it doesn't change a thing. Because Arsenal have always been, and will always be, by far the greatest team the world has ever seen.
In my eyes at least.
Firstly, I would like to point out that Ronaldo's performance last night, while undeniably good, was not something so extraordinary, so out of this world that no team could cope with it as the press seem to be making out. In fact to suggest so does Man Utd a huge disservice. They won because they played very well as a team. Ji-Sung Park, Fletcher, O'Shea all gave everything worked hard, knew their roles and supported their more illustrious team mates fantastically. The first goal was not made by Ronaldo it was made by the pass that released him, his cross was pretty much straight at Gibbs and on another night would have been cleared. His second goal was a great free kick but he is a taker of great free kicks rather than a great free kick taker. Once or twice a year he scores a screamer but the majority of his free kicks go straight down the keepers throat or miles over the bar as all his other efforts did last night. And the final goal was a wonderful break but given the situation of the game we had to leave our defence exposed and once again the goal was made by the ball to Rooney and then his perfect, and unselfish pass to Ronaldo.
This is not to take away from Ronaldo in any way he is clearly a great, great player. But last night showed that Man Utd are more than just one great player. They are a great team. And trust me I don't say that easily. Arsenal on the other hand were not a great team last night. We lacked creativity, more than any other Arsenal team since Wenger took over. Our problem used to be our profligacy now we don't even create the chances to miss.
So how do we bridge this gap? Well we already have to some extent. Andrey Arshavin is a creative player, a player that can change games, score goals and frighten defences. A bit like Ronaldo but without the sort of face you want to punch. With Arshavin in our side over the two legs it might have been slightly different. Maybe not enough to win the game but maybe enough to score in open play at least. We still need to add to our squad over the summer but we don't need wholesale changes.
I genuinely believe next year Arshavin, Nasri will give the support for Fabregas that we need. I think Song is developing into a top quality midfielder but we could do with some competition for the defensive midfielder spot which I don't think Diaby or Denilson will ever really provide. We need a better cover in central defence than Silvestre and we need a striker who will score goals week in week out. Hopefully a fully fit Eduardo will be able to do this.
The gulf between us and Man Utd is not as big as these games suggest. I'm sure we will be more consistent at the start of the season which will gives us the confidence to go on and do well next year, we aren't as naive as we were at the start of this year. Arshavin looks phenomenal and is experienced enough to know how to produce throughout the season and hopefully youngsters like Gibbs will come back stronger from this setback.
So we're out but I'm not down. I'd love us to have the success of Man Utd but if we don't it doesn't change a thing. Because Arsenal have always been, and will always be, by far the greatest team the world has ever seen.
In my eyes at least.
Thursday, 30 April 2009
If Reality's So Good Why Don't You Go Live There?
If we look at the reality of our situation we'd have to admit we have an uphill battle to go through to the final of the champions league but sod reality let's just drift off into a fantasy world instead.
It was a fantasy in '89 that we'd be able to go to Anfield on the last day of the season and put two past Liverpool. It was an even bigger fantasy in the 89th minute that we'd still be able to nick a last minute goal to win the league. But somehow the fantasy came true.
And no one gave us a prayer in '94 against Parma but somehow Smudger pulled off a phenomenal volley to put us in fantasy land once again.
Then of course there was the '97/'98 season. We were dead and buried in the league, there was absolutely no way we could overturn Man Utd's lead but we put on a fantastic unbeaten run and in the end won it comfortably. Surely that couldn't have happened in real life could it?
And going the entire season unbeaten? Ludicrous! Never gonna happen. Except it did.
And surely a makeshift defence with Flamini at left back and Senderos in the middle could never get to a Champions League final? That's just cloud cuckoo land surely?
So don't panic Arsenal fans, we may be down but we're not out. We don't do things the 'real' way, we do things in a fantastical way, in a dreamworld way, in a we're-the-battling-underdog-not-got-a-hope-in-hell-Rocky-Balboa way, we do things The Arsenal Way.
It was a fantasy in '89 that we'd be able to go to Anfield on the last day of the season and put two past Liverpool. It was an even bigger fantasy in the 89th minute that we'd still be able to nick a last minute goal to win the league. But somehow the fantasy came true.
And no one gave us a prayer in '94 against Parma but somehow Smudger pulled off a phenomenal volley to put us in fantasy land once again.
Then of course there was the '97/'98 season. We were dead and buried in the league, there was absolutely no way we could overturn Man Utd's lead but we put on a fantastic unbeaten run and in the end won it comfortably. Surely that couldn't have happened in real life could it?
And going the entire season unbeaten? Ludicrous! Never gonna happen. Except it did.
And surely a makeshift defence with Flamini at left back and Senderos in the middle could never get to a Champions League final? That's just cloud cuckoo land surely?
So don't panic Arsenal fans, we may be down but we're not out. We don't do things the 'real' way, we do things in a fantastical way, in a dreamworld way, in a we're-the-battling-underdog-not-got-a-hope-in-hell-Rocky-Balboa way, we do things The Arsenal Way.
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Arsenal. We're all about the spitting.
"For their club captain Cesc Fabregas to spit at my assistant at the end of the game shows you what this club is all about."
The above is a quote from Phil 'the stain in my pants is a nice shade of' Brown. Regardless of whether the incident happened or not what the bleedin' flip is Phil 'brother of Charlie' Brown talking about? Why would one player, Captain or not, spitting at someone reflect the club as a whole? Last season was our club all about sitting on the half way line crying? When Henry was captain was our club all about looking vaguely pissed off every time we scored? Or when Tony Adams was captain was our team all about getting drunk out of their minds at every available opportunity? Well actually the answer to the last one is yes. But the points still valid. One man's actions do not tell you what a club is all about.
And if they did surely Wenger's actions would supercede the captain's? In which case Arsenal would presumably be about myopia. So is Phil 'I wish Whitney had married me instead of Bobby' Brown not the main focal point of his team? Do his actions not represent how he wants people to perceive his team? Is he in fact leaving the burden of that particular responsibility entirely on his club captians shoulders? And if so what kind of manager is he? A shit one, clearly.
The above is a quote from Phil 'the stain in my pants is a nice shade of' Brown. Regardless of whether the incident happened or not what the bleedin' flip is Phil 'brother of Charlie' Brown talking about? Why would one player, Captain or not, spitting at someone reflect the club as a whole? Last season was our club all about sitting on the half way line crying? When Henry was captain was our club all about looking vaguely pissed off every time we scored? Or when Tony Adams was captain was our team all about getting drunk out of their minds at every available opportunity? Well actually the answer to the last one is yes. But the points still valid. One man's actions do not tell you what a club is all about.
And if they did surely Wenger's actions would supercede the captain's? In which case Arsenal would presumably be about myopia. So is Phil 'I wish Whitney had married me instead of Bobby' Brown not the main focal point of his team? Do his actions not represent how he wants people to perceive his team? Is he in fact leaving the burden of that particular responsibility entirely on his club captians shoulders? And if so what kind of manager is he? A shit one, clearly.
Monday, 9 February 2009
Arsenal v Spurs: What You May Have Missed
0 mins: After losing the toss Robbie Keane wheels around, arms aloft, to appeal the decision.
5 mins: Ref tells Eboue that the two teams used up their quota of derby goals in the last match and no matter what happens the match will end 0-0.
6 mins: Eboue thinks 'the shops are open 'til 5 on a Sunday, if I get sent off I can still get the missus a Valentine's Day card.'
20 mins: Ledley King staggers onto the pitch holding a rifle and shoots Gael Clichy in the head. Causing him to require treatment from the physio. The Spurs fans chant 'Same old Arsenal, always cheating.'
45 mins: Ref blows for half time. Robbie Keane wheels around, arms aloft, to appeal the decision.
60 mins: Eboue, having been sent off and nipping to the shops, returns with a bag of pick 'n' mix. Wenger is furious, he didn't get any cola bottles.> > 81 mins: Niklas Bendtner does something quite good. Everyone is stunned.
90 mins: Ref blows for full time. Robbie Keane wheels around, arms aloft, to appeal the decision.
5 mins: Ref tells Eboue that the two teams used up their quota of derby goals in the last match and no matter what happens the match will end 0-0.
6 mins: Eboue thinks 'the shops are open 'til 5 on a Sunday, if I get sent off I can still get the missus a Valentine's Day card.'
20 mins: Ledley King staggers onto the pitch holding a rifle and shoots Gael Clichy in the head. Causing him to require treatment from the physio. The Spurs fans chant 'Same old Arsenal, always cheating.'
45 mins: Ref blows for half time. Robbie Keane wheels around, arms aloft, to appeal the decision.
60 mins: Eboue, having been sent off and nipping to the shops, returns with a bag of pick 'n' mix. Wenger is furious, he didn't get any cola bottles.> > 81 mins: Niklas Bendtner does something quite good. Everyone is stunned.
90 mins: Ref blows for full time. Robbie Keane wheels around, arms aloft, to appeal the decision.
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Our Next Signing...
While watching the football in The Dog (that's my local pub by the way, I wasn't molesting the family pet during Super Sunday or anything) one of the other regulars shouted "My granny could've scored that!"
Now at first I doubted the verity of his claims. For starters he was about 50 looking so his grandmother would have to be at least in her 80's. Don't get me wrong, I reckon in her day she might well have been a fabulous striker but very few players maintain their eye for goal as an octagenarian. Arjen Robben being the only notable exception.
However as a dedicated football fan I decided to check out this fat drunk's claims. I popped along to the local old folk's home and watched with interest the 5-a-side tournament thay had on. Lo and behold there was the old boy's gran doing her magic on the pitch.
She was like Pele, Maradona and Zidane all wrapped into one. Her sexual organs didn't work, she needed drugs to keep her going and her hairline was receeding rapidly. However she was also a bit nifty in front of goal.
Instantly I filmed her on my camera phone and then uploaded the footage onto YouTube. I forwarded the link to Arsene Wenger and he got back to me the next day.
Now I know what your thinking, Wenger doesn't sign people over 20 and especially not English players over 20, there was no way he'd go for this 80+ year old granny but I got in touch with Obafemi Martins and he put me in touch with a good friend of his and we sorted out a French passport for the old dear.
So look out for our next signing Le Old Drunks Grand-mère, Mrs Blenkinsopp. You heard it here first.
Friday, 31 October 2008
John Jensen's Goal
As far as career defining moments this one has to be the most bittersweet.
For a player who scored the opening goal in a European Championships final to be remembered almost exclusively for a single goal in a 3-1 defeat to QPR must be a little deflating to say the least.
At the time, however, it was a joyous occasion for both player and fans alike. My part in this small but momentous occasion was miniscule but it has left an idelible mark on the scrapbook of my memory. I was sat in the stands level with the penalty box where Jensen received the ball. Highbury must have been all-seater by then otherwise I would have been wedged in at the front of the Junior Gunners terrace. Like everyone else wearing red in that stadium I was willing for this to be the moment. For this to be John Jensen's goal.
In front of me sat two rather benign, middle-aged QPR fans living in blissful ignorance of the fact that they were receiving the glowering of a lifetime from the angry little teenager behind them. My fury was only abated when I noticed them laughing happily after I'd screamed "shoooot!" at John Jensen while he was clearing our lines from a corner. Then as now nothing placates me like someone laughing at my jokes.
It was pure chance that I happened to be at that game, I was not able to attend Highbury for every game, though I went to as many as I could. Saturdays at the time were spent playing little league football in the morning, training with my Sunday league team in the evening, then playing the next morning, before going home to experiment with masturbation on a Sunday afternoon. It was tradition however that my dad, my brother and I would attend at least one of the games around the Christmas period. It just so happened that John Jensen chose that game to break his duck.
It was a fantastic goal by any standards. And Highbury burst into song in a way I've never heard before or since. So often we have the accusation of our ground being a 'library' levelled at us, well that day we stood up and ripped down the 'silence please' signs.
The result was unimportant, never has a crowd been so jubilant after a loss, but the thing that defines the moment for me was John Jensen's reaction, there was no thought of savouring the moment for himself, no pointing to the name on his back or pretence at badge kissing, he just ran straight to the crowd this was for us as much as him and Jensen knew it. And what more can a fan ask for than when a millstone is removed from a players neck the first people he thinks of is the fans who stuck by him while he endevoured to remove it?
Maybe the professional game today could do with a few more Johnny Jensens. Though not too many, 0-0 draws would get tiresome after a while.
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Footballing Heroes: David Hillier
Full time party animal and occasional footballer, David Hillier, signed for Arsenal in 1984 as a schoolboy. He was instantly popular in the youth team due to the fact that he was usually stoned out of his mind.
He made his full team debut in 1990 against Chester City. Many Arsenal fans remarked that the pies were good that day. No one remembers Hillier's performance though.
Due to his combative midfield style Hillier is often thought of as a forerunner to the likes of Emmanuel Petit, Patrick Vieira and Mathieu Flamini. However where they had passion and skill Hillier didn't.
Before signing for Arsenal little is known of Hillier's youth although it has been alledged that he was left as a new-born in the backroom of the Rose and Crown in Blackheath. He was brought up by the landlord and landlady despite the fact that they were both from Trinidad and he was clearly a little white london boy.
Growing up with this stigma proved the making of little David, mocked by the casually rascist youths of the seventies David was determined to prove himself better than them and took to dealing cannabis, making him the most popular kid on the block.
This in turn ensured he was always picked first for football and he was soon making his way through the ranks to become a professional.
Hillier was an integral part of the Arsenal team of the nineties although he was left out of the 1993 cup final sides due to a neck injury received by watching the ball fly over his head from defence so often.
He was also left out of the 1994 Cup Winners Cup team due to a psychic telling George Graham if he played him Arsenal would lose. If only he'd also heeded this advice the following year maybe they'd have retained the Cup Winners Cup.
At this time Hillier's off the field antics became more prominent than his on the pitch performances. He had become obsessed with his neck and had taken to wearing neck rings, much like the Kayan women of Thailand.
By the time he left Arsenal for Portsmouth in 1996 his neck was a foot long and despite a superior heading ability he could never reach the heights of his Arsenal career.
Hillier has now retired from football and can currently be found in the pubs of Blackheath letting people take photographs of his 1990/91 league winners medal dangling from his elongated neck in return for a double scotch (neat).
Friday, 26 September 2008
Footballing Heroes: Ian Selley
Ian Selley signed for Arsenal in 1990 at the age of 16. He was immediately heralded as the next Patrick Vieira despite the fact that Patrick Vieira was only 14 at the time and no one had heard of him.
He made his full debut at the age of 18 and instantly garnered a reputation for being a footballer...just.
Selley had grown up on the mean streets of Weybridge and very little is known about his past, although it is rumoured that he was found in a dustbin aged 5 having been raised by badgers. This is vehemently denied by the badger population who claim if they had raised him he would've been able to control a ball.
At 12 Selley joined in his first game of football as he'd previously been scorned by his peers for only eating worms and communicating with a series of growls and purrs. In this game he broke his own leg three times and another boys twice. Not bad as he was only substituted on with 3 minutes left. And that was only as a linesman.
He rocketed through the youth ranks being known for his ferocious tackles and his staunch defence of what he called his 'territory' (handily marked out before the match with his own urine.)
After making his debut for Arsenal he went on to appear far too many times for them. However during this period Selley's presence in the team was instrumental to how Arsenal played at the time, entirely bypassing the midfield and getting it straight up to Ian Wright.
When Wenger arrived in 1996 many people thought Selley would be a crucial part of the Frenchman's team but then at that time most people thought Wenger was an idiot who'd only ever managed in Japan.
Selley was promptly sold to lower league Fulham where nothing of note has ever happened. Eventually Selley returned to his set in Weybridge where he happily divides his time between suckling his young and gazing at his Cup Winners Cup medal that he actually, genuinely has. No, really he does.
He made his full debut at the age of 18 and instantly garnered a reputation for being a footballer...just.
Selley had grown up on the mean streets of Weybridge and very little is known about his past, although it is rumoured that he was found in a dustbin aged 5 having been raised by badgers. This is vehemently denied by the badger population who claim if they had raised him he would've been able to control a ball.
At 12 Selley joined in his first game of football as he'd previously been scorned by his peers for only eating worms and communicating with a series of growls and purrs. In this game he broke his own leg three times and another boys twice. Not bad as he was only substituted on with 3 minutes left. And that was only as a linesman.
He rocketed through the youth ranks being known for his ferocious tackles and his staunch defence of what he called his 'territory' (handily marked out before the match with his own urine.)
After making his debut for Arsenal he went on to appear far too many times for them. However during this period Selley's presence in the team was instrumental to how Arsenal played at the time, entirely bypassing the midfield and getting it straight up to Ian Wright.
When Wenger arrived in 1996 many people thought Selley would be a crucial part of the Frenchman's team but then at that time most people thought Wenger was an idiot who'd only ever managed in Japan.
Selley was promptly sold to lower league Fulham where nothing of note has ever happened. Eventually Selley returned to his set in Weybridge where he happily divides his time between suckling his young and gazing at his Cup Winners Cup medal that he actually, genuinely has. No, really he does.
Thursday, 25 September 2008
A Garlic-Munchers Guide to Arsenal
Arsenal FC were formed in 1989 when Michael Thomas willed himself into existence with less than a minute left of the 88/89 season. Luckily his self-creation opened a wormhole in the space time continuum and allowed another ten players from alternative dimensions to enter the field of play. This was probably the most unusual thing to happen at Anfield since 1962 when the entire away support left the game without having had the wheels nicked off their cars.
The team was put under the care of Scotsman George Graham. Everyone was shocked and appalled that an English team could have a foreign manager and made Arsenal sign a declaration that in the future they would only ever have a manager who was born within 20 miles of there home ground.
In 1996 Arsenal briefly moved Highbury to Strasbourg when, entirely by coincidence, they signed Arsene Wenger as the club's manager. It was of course the first time Arsenal had ever changed location although in the early 20th century Rand McNally released a highly innaccurate map of London which placed Woolwich in the Highbury and Islington area which has caused much confusion to this day.
Between '89 and '96 the club had achieved a decent amount of success by adopting the unusual tactic of tying their defenders together so that when one stepped forward to catch an opposing player offside the others had no choice but to follow.
This tactic proved unpopular with the fans and it wasn't until Arsene Wenger brought his scissors to Highbury and set the defence free that Arsenal garnered a strong fanbase. Although it has been said that the vast amount of these new fans were led here by Wenger from France. It is alleged that they followed a trail of garlic through the Channel Tunnel.
Since 1996 Arsenal have been a highly successful team, mainly thanks to an orphanage in France which was set up by Arsene Wenger to train young men how to play football. Because of the success of this orphanage similar projects have been set up in the Ivory Coast, Brazil and Spain. But not in England.
Despite being one of the most successful and sought after managers in modern football, Arsene Wenger's policy of only using his orphanage graduates has led to a large amount of criticism and forced the Arsenal board to close them down, saying they could easily cope without them. To counter this measure Wenger bought promising young Englishman Francis Jeffers to the club. Soon after this the board lifted the ban on orphanages. Mysteriously they have never stated their reasons why.
In recent years the club has suffered a slump in form. However, with his devoted following of garlic munchers and his un-ending supply of orphans it is surely only a matter of time before Arsene Wenger brings the glory days back to Arsenal.
The team was put under the care of Scotsman George Graham. Everyone was shocked and appalled that an English team could have a foreign manager and made Arsenal sign a declaration that in the future they would only ever have a manager who was born within 20 miles of there home ground.
In 1996 Arsenal briefly moved Highbury to Strasbourg when, entirely by coincidence, they signed Arsene Wenger as the club's manager. It was of course the first time Arsenal had ever changed location although in the early 20th century Rand McNally released a highly innaccurate map of London which placed Woolwich in the Highbury and Islington area which has caused much confusion to this day.
Between '89 and '96 the club had achieved a decent amount of success by adopting the unusual tactic of tying their defenders together so that when one stepped forward to catch an opposing player offside the others had no choice but to follow.
This tactic proved unpopular with the fans and it wasn't until Arsene Wenger brought his scissors to Highbury and set the defence free that Arsenal garnered a strong fanbase. Although it has been said that the vast amount of these new fans were led here by Wenger from France. It is alleged that they followed a trail of garlic through the Channel Tunnel.
Since 1996 Arsenal have been a highly successful team, mainly thanks to an orphanage in France which was set up by Arsene Wenger to train young men how to play football. Because of the success of this orphanage similar projects have been set up in the Ivory Coast, Brazil and Spain. But not in England.
Despite being one of the most successful and sought after managers in modern football, Arsene Wenger's policy of only using his orphanage graduates has led to a large amount of criticism and forced the Arsenal board to close them down, saying they could easily cope without them. To counter this measure Wenger bought promising young Englishman Francis Jeffers to the club. Soon after this the board lifted the ban on orphanages. Mysteriously they have never stated their reasons why.
In recent years the club has suffered a slump in form. However, with his devoted following of garlic munchers and his un-ending supply of orphans it is surely only a matter of time before Arsene Wenger brings the glory days back to Arsenal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
