Footballing Heroes: Richard Wright

Richard Wright was born in Ipswich in 1977 and signed for Arsenal in 2001 after a successful period at Ipswich Town.

Touted as the next David Seaman, Wright had to deal with a huge weight of expectation on his shoulders. It crushed him.

Little is known of Richard Wright's youth, other than the fact that he was the seventh son of a seventh son. This led many people to believe young Richard would grow up to have strong magical powers.

Living in Ipswich this superstition was treated as scientific fact and farmers would often bring their sick animals round for the baby Wright to heal. After five years if finally dawned on the farmers of Ipswich that none of their livestock had recovered after being touched by little Richard, apart from Mr Muggins' cow, but that had only had a little cough anyway and had probably cleared up naturally. They denounced the entire Wright family as black magicians and went back to using the local vet.

Richard, who was blissfully unaware of the stigma he had brought upon his family would often try to join in the football games the kids played at the local park. They would never let him participate. However, one day a child told him "Richard, we don't like you, you can't play. If you were tall at least we could stick you in goal, but we can't 'cos your a midget." That night the diminutive Richard miraculously grew two foot.

News of this 6ft seven-year-old soon reached Ipswich Town FC's scouts and they snapped him up immediately, figuring they could teach him how to play in goal. Despite his lack of ability the manager felt powerless to stop himself picking Wright for every game. No one could explain why. Even more mysteriously Wright then signed for Arsenal, Wright denies any use of witchcraft in engineering this move.

However, Richard Wright's seemingly magical powers of goalkeeping seemed to desert him at Arsenal, maybe it was the turn of the millenium or maybe David Seaman was a more powerful white witch, but whatever the reason Wright's abilities dwindled. The most likely scenario is that he was just plain rubbish.

Nowadays Richard Wright can be often found standing over a bubbling cauldron trying to get the exact ingredients to bring back his magical prowess. Little does he know that all he needs to add is the Premiership winners medal that he actually genuinely has and the spell will be complete.