Feisty Argentinian Nelson Vivas made his debut for Arsenal in 1998. His tenacious tackling, aggressive style and technical ability all conspired to make him a permanent fixture on the sub's bench.
He was a versatile defender who was equally shambolic on either side of the pitch. He provided such a strong back up to Lee Dixon and Nigel Winterburn that Wenger almost immediately signed Oleg Luzhny and Sylvinho to ensure he barely ever played for Arsenal.
Very little is known about Vivas's early life aside from the fact that he was born in Granadero Baigorria in Argentina. An unusually large child his parents made a living by putting him in a box and charging tourists to see him. He was known as the world's largest boy, however as he got older the lack of oxygen in his box stunted his growth and he only grew to 5 ft 5 in.
His parents then changed their pitch and advertised him as the worlds smallest defender. Despite never having played football they dressed young Nelson in an Argentina kit that they had exchanged with Diego Maradona for 8 grams of blow.
His parents' canny knack for a deal meant that in 1991 they sold him to Argentinian club Quilmes for three magic beans. Originally a mascot an injury crisis forced the marauding midget into the team. His lack of talent proved no hindrance to his career, even after his ineffective performances for Arsenal he went on to play for Inter Milan.
Now back in his native Argentina Nelson Vivas juggles his time between parading his now ancient and withering parents around his home town dressed in a variety of degrading and humiliating outfits and showing off the 39 international caps that he honestly actually has.
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