Rio Ferdinand's New Book

(First posted on 606 prior to Euro 2008)

The following is an excerpt from Rio Ferdinand's forthcoming contractually obliged new autobiography, released to coincide with Euro 2008.

"It got to the summer and despite my success in the Champions League I was still left with a hollow feeling as if something was missing in my life. I knew I should be doing something but I just seemed to have more time on my hands than usual. I can't think why. It's probably really obvious, I'm just a big ol' dufus.

Rather than kicking my heels I decided to play a few of my trademark hilarious practical jokes. Like the other day I went round to Cristiano Ronaldo's house and put a flaming bag of dog poo on his doorstep and then rang the doorbell. Then as I was running off to hide G-Nev called me and asked if I wanted to go round his to watch the football. I completely forgot about the flaming poo until I the match kicked off - it was Portugal vs Turkey. Ronaldo wasn't home he was at the Euro's. No wonder I saw so many fire engines whizzing passed me as I went round G-Nev's house. God, I'm such a dufus.

While I was round G-Nev's his brother P-Nev and his dad Nev-Nev came over. I thought 'here's a chance for some practical joking shenanigans' so I put cling film over the toilet bowl. Then like the dufus I am I forgot about it. A few funny fags later and I went back into the bathroom to take a dump.

I really am a dufus-ma-lufus."