Augustus "Gus" Caesar was born in Tottenham in 1966, proving that nothing good ever comes out of Tottenham, and that 1966 wasn't such a good year for English football after all.
Caesar could play both at full back or in central defence, although 'play' is somewhat of an overstatement.
Little is known of young Augustus's youth other than the fact that until the age of 12 he was convinced he was the reincarnation of his Roman Emperor namesake. He was taken by his worried parents to various medical professionals, quacks and charlatans but none of them could shake young Gus's convinction that he was the living embodiment of such an important historical figure.
One day in the late seventies however a mystical shaman came to Tottenham and spotted Caesar organising the village nerds into a precise re-enactment of the original Augustus's successful campaigns in Northern Hispania. The shaman walked up to Gus and whispered something in his ear. Gus Caesar rubbed his eyes and walked off to play football with the cool kids.
He was soon snapped up by Arsenal - who really should've known better - where, despite training under George Graham and alongside Tony Adams and Martin Keown, Caesar never mastered the art of defence. Or in fact any of the basic skills that could've convinced anyone that he was going to become a professional footballer.
Nowadays Gus Caesar can be found back in his native Tottenham with the Roman Re-enactment Society, mumbling under is breath 'Rome is cool, football is for weirdos. Rome is cool, football is for weirdos.' If questioned about his infamous miskick in 1988 he will turn and scream at the questioner "I'M NOT A WEIRDO!" Before going back to his mumbled mantra and painting the die-cast legionaries he prides over any medals he could of won playing football.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment