In a dark basement on a stormy night in the dirty half of North London Harry Redknapp is working in his laboratory.
Harry: Jamie! Come here!
Jamie: Yes Dad.
Harry: How many times? You call me master in the lab boy. And lisp more.
Jamie: Yeth Mathter.
Harry: Tonight my boy we're going to create the ultimate footballer, strong, quick, intelligent, unbreakable.
Jamie: Like I wath Dad?
Harry: Yes...just like you were...Now first we need a footballers brain.
Jamie: I'll go and kill Paul Thcoleth.
Harry: Who?
Jamie: Paul Thcoleth.
Harry: I'm sorry, again?
Jamie: PAUL THCOLETH!
Harry: Nope, I'm still not getting it.
Jamie: I'll kill Michael Carrick.
Harry: Yeah that'll do. Now we need pace.
Jamie: I'll thteal Theo Walcott'th legs, mathter.
Harry: Seo Walcott?
Jamie: No Theo! Oh thod it. Aaron Lennon'th will do.
Harry: Now strength!
Jamie: (under breath) Eththein? No. Mathcerano? No. Thong? Definitely no. How about that bloke from Wolveth who'th built like a brick thithouse?
Harry: I don't know his name?
Jamie: Nor do I, which ith a bonuth. I'll take hith tortho.
Harry: Now unbreakability.
Jamie: Not really my thpecialty mathter.
Harry: No. We'll just chuck in a shatterproof ruler, that'll do.
Jamie: The monthter ith ready mathter.
Harry: Now all we need is a lightening storm and we'll have the perfect footballer.
Jamie: I could jutht plug him into the mainth?
Harry: Good idea, Jamie. Mwahahahahahaha!
Jamie: Erm...whoopth.
Harry: What?
Jamie: I theem to have uthed Carrick'th pace, Eboue'th thtrength and that bloke from Wolveth brain. And the thatterproof ruler theemth to be bent.
Harry: You idiot! What will we do?
Jamie: Call it Jermaine Jenath?
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3 comments:
oh my days I thought you had finally seen the light and dropped the shite attempt at being funny but oh no here you are again posting more un-funny bollocks the sad desperate hope your little goony buddies will lick your rim hole and tell you how funny you are some more. Seriously just drop it, it's even worse than your stand up which is painfuly bad.
Also its been a good few weeks for you goonies, Carling cup winners? Oops wait, that went to some inbred northern pikey town lol @ you not even being able to beat them in the only final your pathetic team is good enough to get too. Champions league was just funny watching Van persie cry and I see United can play a team of shit defenders and still beat you. Ah well, the league it is then? Yea fat chance.
I only did it to check you were still alive, my little illiterate stalker buddy.
Thanks for the concern but I have never been to Japan and never intend to be.
You still suck at being funny tho.
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